The satirical news source “The Onion” released a faux-news report parodying CNN’s Wolf Blitzer back in 2010.
The subject? The video titled “Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody” mocks Blitzer’s monotone speaking style.
The girl playing the child raised by Blitzer is hilarious, nailing his demeanor perfectly. All she’s missing is the beard.
Among the hilarious lines from the video include:
“‘Molly’ and Developmental Psychologist Dr. Kenneth Ives come on Today Now! to talk about her upbringing as a half-human, half-Wolf Blitzer.”
“The only way she knows how to communicate is through Wolf Blitzer’s colorless monotone. We are currently trying to teach her more humanlike speech patterns.”
“She likes to be the one asking questions. When Molly gets upset, she talks to her imaginary friends via satellite. It’s a coping mechanism.”
Watch below:
Pretty hilarious, right? It’s extra-funny because these days it’s hard to tell the difference between “The Onion” and CNN.
One is a painfully biased news source that mixes a little bit of fact with a whole lot of fiction, and puts out highly embarrassing stories that are rarely ever true.
The other is a satirical news website named after a vegetable.
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