Opinion

In-Fur-Rection at the Capitol: Swamp Fox Detained After Attack on Democrat Congressman

Editor’s note: This article has been updated.

Capitol police Tuesday detained a red fox following an altercation in which the animal bit California Congressman Ami Bera. At least five others reported having been ambushed in guerilla-style attacks as well.

Bera tweeted about the “unprovoked” episode joking: “What does the fox say? Last night, I found out…”

Police indicated they would not stand for any in-fur-rection attempts on the Capitol from the now-legendary Swamp Fox.

“We have received several reports of aggressive fox encounters on or near the grounds of the U.S. Capitol,” they tweeted. “Animal Control Officers are working to trap and relocate any foxes they find.”

Hours later, they shared the news that the Swamp Fox had been successfully captured.

RELATED: Capitol Police Reinstall Fencing As American ‘Freedom Convoy’ Heads To Washington

Swamp Fox Captured

While Capitol Police reports suggest relocating captured foxes, past actions against criminal offenders at that location indicate they may well be held in isolation, not allowed to speak with canine legal representation, and be held without being charged for months on end, etc.

Will House Speaker Nancy Pelosi call in National Guard reinforcements? Will the Capitol again be surrounded by razor wire fencing and locked down with manned checkpoints?

Will the Swamp Fox’s history be combed through, past tweets of him supporting the MAGA movement leading to a loss of his job?

Come on. You know it’s definitely a paw-ssibility.

Joking aside, Bera is doing well but had to undergo a series of shots “out of an abundance of caution.”

Images show that the Swamp Fox had pierced the congressman’s suit with its fangs, but appeared to avoid breaking the skin.

RELATED: Watch: Major Fireworks In Congress As Gaetz Slams Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin For Pushing ‘Wokeism’ In Military

Seven Shots After the Incident – So Far

The Sacramento Bee reports that Bera received treatment at Walter Reed Medical Center, getting “five shots of immunoglobulin, one tetanus shot, and one rabies shot.”

The Bee also notes that the congressman will have to get “three additional rabies shots in the coming days.”

Politico reporter Ximena Bustillo was also apparently a victim of the Swamp Fox.

“That feel when you get bit by a fox leaving Capitol cause that’s of course something I expect in THE MIDDLE OF DC,” she tweeted.

The House Sergeant at Arms warned that there are possibly several guerilla camps fox dens on the Capitol grounds and that authorities will continue to try and locate and trap any of the Swamp Fox’s brothers in arms that they find.

Bera joked, “I expect to get attacked if I go on Fox News. I don’t expect to get attacked by a fox.”

As of publication, The Political Insider has learned that the Swamp Fox has been convicted of his crimes – euthanized due to concerns it may be rabid. 

UPDATE: Axios reports that the Swamp Fox did, in fact, test positive for rabies

Tragically, the Swamp Fox was also a mother, whose kits have been taken prisoners of war.

The Swamp Fox’s final words were recorded for posterity:

“I am in love and my sweetheart is Liberty. Be that heavenly nymph my companion, and these woods shall have charms beyond London and Paris in slavery. To have no proud monarch driving over me with his gilt coaches; nor his host of excise-men and tax-gatherers insulting and robbing me; but to be my own master, my own prince and sovereign, gloriously preserving my national dignity, and pursuing my true happiness; planting my vineyards, and eating their lucious fruits; and sowing my fields, and reaping the golden grain: and seeing millions of brothers all around me, equally free and happy as myself. This, sir, is what I long for.”

Gone from this world, but perhaps earning his place in Valhalla along with the last Swamp Fox that roamed the area:

Will the public support that move?

While foxes weren’t specifically cited in a popularity poll of Congress in 2013, other animals were. And Congress, according to Public Policy that year, is less popular than head lice and cockroaches.

Bera began his congressional career that same year.

A more recent poll indicates Congress now has a 20% approval rating while 75% disapprove of the way they are handling their job.

Editor’s note: For the fact-checkers, this article obviously uses elements of satire. 

Rusty Weiss

Rusty Weiss is a freelance writer focusing on the conservative movement and its political agenda. He has been following and analyzing the political climate for several years, and his writings have appeared in the Daily Caller, FoxNews.com and more.

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