As we dive into the last quarter of the calendar year, one can’t help but start to reflect on how things have gone so far. Unfortunately, I think we can all agree: 2022 has been pretty rough.
Sky high gas prices, baby formula shortage, the war in Europe, and the return of low-rise jeans. I mean, could it get any worse?
I’m generally not the superstitious type or a believer in prophecy, but things are getting pretty dire out there in the world. So I can see how some folks might start looking for signs of our future. I’m more of a Magic 8 Ball fan myself. Still, for fun, I thought I’d reach back into some of my biblical and astrological knowledge for a look into what lies ahead.
I don’t agree with everything he writes but you gotta respect a real Nostradamus moment when you see it: pic.twitter.com/OJLmNCwn4f
— The Opinionated Lab (@OpinionatedLab) October 2, 2022
I Never Did Like Horses
Unlike most little girls, I was never all that into horses. I find them to be smelly and far too accepting of flies.
That doesn’t mean I’m not familiar with the most famous horses, and I’m not referring to Black Beauty or Seabiscuit. Instead, I’m talking about the originals: the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
These foul hairy beasts constitute a significant part of Revelations and could indicate where we might be today. As a refresher, those four naughty little ponies are:
- the White Horse, which is Pestilence
- the Red Horse, which is War
- the Black Horse, which is Famine
- the Pale Horse, which is Death
So, are these equestrian omens roaming the Earth as we speak, or should I say, as you read this? Let’s see.
— Pickle Pericles (@ElectionLegal) September 29, 2022
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I Looked, And Behold!
I wouldn’t describe myself as a religious woman, although I would say I am a woman of faith. I believe in a higher power, and I think that I was made fallible and meant to attempt to be better than I was the day before.
All that to say, I am not a theologian, so keep that in mind as I break out how the four horsemen from Revelations might be riding around our neighborhoods. First, let’s take a look at Pestilence.
Pestilence is a bit tricky; the White Horse is often associated with some sort of scourge or disease. However, I will use a bit of creative license based on Revelation 6: 1-2:
“I looked, and behold, a white horse, and he who sat on it had a bow; and a crown was given to him, and he went out conquering and to conquer.”
My husband argues that our Pestilence is COVID, but I beg to differ. I think our White Horse isn’t a literal disease. However, a virus still infects every aspect of our civilization: wokeness.
"Mankind will discover objects in space sent to us by the watchers." ~ Nostradamus
— occultbot (@0ccultbot) October 4, 2022
Just bear with me and chew on this for a spell. Woke Democratic Socialists are trying to conquer every aspect of society until all have been conquered. Boom. Mind blown.
What About The Other Three Horsemen?
Don’t fret; I haven’t forgotten about the Red, Black, and Pale horses. The good old War horse can be anything at this point, thanks to the devil may care foreign policy of the Biden administration.
Take your pick; war in eastern Europe with Russia, teetering with China, or maybe it’s the coming of a second Civil War as so many talking heads have pondered or, dare I say, tried to stoke. Then you have Famine.
There was a baby formula shortage that threatened to starve our babies. There are also grain and food shortages thanks to the war in Ukraine and the terrible supply chain. But we might not be at full-blown world famine…yet.
And then, finally, you have Death. Our life expectancy in the United States is in decline for the first time in a long time. Could it be because we have grown adults flocking to McDonald’s for the adult Happy Meal? Or is it because it’s the end of days!
Honestly, I think either is a solid answer. The release of adult Happy Meals might be synonymous with the end of days. Just sayin’.
“All things must eventually come to an end. The time will come, of course, when the great United States will be no more, when the boasted civilization of the greatest nation on earth will count for naught”
—a Cherokee newspaper editor in 1896 when the US was stealing his Nation
— Brett Chapman (@brettachapman) October 5, 2022
Has This Been Foretold By Someone Else?
Suppose you aren’t interested in my amateur theological prediction. In that case, we could always just see what the expert has to say – the one, the only, Nostradamus. Fun fact, Nostradamus also wrote a cookbook which, for some odd reason, didn’t receive the same level of notoriety as his other works.
Within the cookbook were various recipes for jellies and jams to include a ‘love jam’ made with sparrow’s blood and eyelets from an octopus arm. However, I’m not so sure my pallet would approve.
But we aren’t here to swap recipes with the famous seer. His well-known work is that ‘Les Prophesies’ published in 1555.
The book is a collection of his convoluted poetry called quatrains. Within these hard-to-decipher verses are allegedly various predictions, including the rise of Hitler, the assassination of JFK, and the 9/11 attacks.
But it’s a recent event that has made the impeccably bearded prognosticator en vogue.
They'd rather have global nuclear annihilation than peace. https://t.co/10WV74LvKv
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) October 4, 2022
Allegedly, Nostradamus predicted the Queen’s death, which has people flocking to bookstores to absorb the words of the great predictor. He also predicted an asteroid strike, inflation and starvation, and AI robots taking over the world in 2022.
So far, he’s nailed inflation. I’m still waiting for SkyNet to come online. Perhaps the strangest prediction Nostradamus had was that zombies would eventually be created.
He wrote of this event:
“Fathers and mothers dead of infinite sorrows, Women in mourning, the pestilent she-monster : The Great One to be no more, all the world to end.”
Yikes, that’s some pretty terrifying dark stuff there, my apocalyptic friend. I’m reasonably sure I’ve been called a pestilent she-monster before; if not, I aim to be someday.
So far, no zombies, at least none in the traditional sense. Instead, I suppose we’ve all become techno-zombies addicted to our little screens on our oversized phones.
Being against WWIII and nuclear annihilation does not make you pro-Russia!
— Dave DeCamp (@DecampDave) September 30, 2022
Time To Prep And Find Jesus
Are the four horsemen of the apocalypse clip-clopping their way through our civilization? Did Nostradamus see into our future? Should I invest in blunt melee weapons to efficiently and effectively defend myself from the zombie onslaught?
the walking dead, you will always be iconic. pic.twitter.com/Vt0Z7jtSGH
— Ethan (@EthanCorby) October 3, 2022
I don’t know. I can tell you that I’d be clutch in a zombie apocalypse mainly because I would have a strict rule; no new members of the pack. You never take on new people; best to stay lean and mobile.
All kidding aside, it does seem bleak out there, but it’s not all bad. Most people are good and kind, and every day there are billions of little acts of love expressed between humans; it’s just not reported as much.
But, just in case, we should probably be weary of any robots. I’ve seen Terminator, and I am NO Sarah Connor.
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