Hold on to your giblets folks, it’s time once again to celebrate the true meaning of Thanksgiving here in America.
It’s not turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, or apple pie. Nay, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for – our fifth annual The Political Insider Turkey Awards, or PITAs for short.
Thanksgiving is that one day each year where we take a moment to reflect on our fortunes and thank the Almighty that we’re not any of the poor souls listed below.
Before we go any further, however, we’re excited to announce that this year’s recipients will get an upgraded trophy design. You may recall that last year, our award winners took home this jewel-encrusted treasure of the avian world.
We’re pleased to announce that we’ve come up with a brand new PITA trophy design!
Drum roll please …
Sure it’s simplistic and revolting, but isn’t that kind of what it feels like to be a registered Democrat these days?
Of course, recipients don’t actually receive a physical trophy, just a picture of one. More specifically, the picture above. No seriously, print it out if you actually want one … we operate on a shoestring budget.
With that in mind, here are your 2018 PITA winners (some brand new faces and a legend of the PITA world) …
CNN host Don Lemon has always had the tools to be a PITA star. Raw skills earned him the nickname of “dumbest man on television” from President Trump.
But it wasn’t until this year when his obvious Trump Derangement Syndrome took hold and propelled him to new levels of incompetence.
Earlier this year, Lemon reacted to Kanye’s Oval Office meeting with President Trump by comparing it to a “minstrel show.”
Video: Here’s a snippet of @DonLemon‘s unhinged rant about Kayne West, suggesting that he’s a mentally ill captive to Trump and “white people” having him up on “a minstrel show” pic.twitter.com/XIASANGbOz
— Curtis Houck (@CurtisHouck) October 11, 2018
Lemon followed that effort with an even more mind-numbing display of ignorance, claiming that “white men” are the biggest terror threat in America.
Rounding out his resume for the year to propel him to his first ever PITA, Lemon said radical leftist mobs have a Constitutional right to harass Republicans, was caught partying with a creepy porn lawyer, and blamed President Trump for a threat against CNN.
Speaking of having all the right tools, is there any bigger tool in all of politics than Michael Avenatti?
Avenatti may have parlayed his career as a lawyer for an opportunistic porn star into the role of frontrunner for the Democrat party’s presidential hopes in 2020, but it’s what he managed to do later in the year that earned him his first PITA award.
In what may have actually fueled the eventual confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh, Avenatti jumped the shark on the Democrat party’s attempts to destroy Trump’s nominee by rolling out a third alleged victim with a story so absurd that all of America finally realized they were witnessing a Democrat smear campaign.
Avenatti introduced Julie Swetnick who made claims that Kavanaugh was present when women were drugged and gang-raped at house parties. But she couldn’t get her story straight from the get-go, and the charade quickly fell apart.
For his efforts, Avenatti and his client were referred for a criminal investigation over (allegedly) providing false statements, obstructing congressional investigations, and conspiracy.
Hopefully, Mr. Avenatti will be able to print up a poster size version of his PITA award and the guards will allow him to hang it on his cell wall.
New Jersey Senator Cory Booker also claims his first trophy, mainly on the strength of a performance during the Kavanaugh hearings in which he pretended to be less a “pajama boy” and more of a true warrior.
The ridiculous display will live in infamy, as Booker pretended to violate Senate Judiciary Committee rules by releasing confidential documents (even though they said he could), dared them to do something about his non-rule breaking rule breaking, and declared himself to be having a “Spartacus moment.”
The display was so juvenile and embarrassing, that even Justice Clarence Thomas made fun of Booker …
From last week, Justice Clarence Thomas: “Honorable – if we could use that word about more people who are in public life, people who actually ask the questions at confirmation hearings, instead of ‘Spartacus’…”
— CSPAN (@cspan) September 12, 2018
Booker fancied himself such a bada**, we half expected him to start wearing a leather jacket on his way to the Capitol while riding a custom, tripped-out Vespa scooter with a license plate that reads ‘IMSPARTY.’
— Free Beacon (@FreeBeacon) September 7, 2018
Making the display even worse – Booker was grandstanding to fight for the right of a woman to be heard after falsely accusing Kavanaugh of sexually assaulting her. But he, by his own admission, groped a friend in his teenage years even “after having my hand pushed away.”
For declaring himself Spartacus on behalf of women, while having a background in having groped a woman against her will, Booker earns a shiny silver PITA.
Thus far, all of our recipients have been first-time winners, fresh blood as the disgraceful faces of either the Democrat party or the liberal media.
It’s time we pivoted to a true legend of the PITA awards.
Hillary Clinton this year has captured her fourth award, doubling that of her closest competitor and setting her apart from the rest of the field. She sits alone, the rare Democrat capable of embarrassing herself every time she opens her mouth.
That is a guarantee. However, what sets her apart again this year is her innate ability to be completely incapable of accomplishing mundane tasks.
In March, the former First Lady couldn’t navigate steps at the Jahaz Mahal, an ancient resort built during the Lodi Dynasty, despite having the aid of two men on either side of her.
Thank God CNN explained to me how Hillary being in bad health was just a “conspiracy theory,” otherwise I might question why she’s totally incapable of walking down stairs even while being supported by two men. 😐 pic.twitter.com/2ekGFE7alB
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) March 13, 2018
Just days later, it was reported that Clinton was forced to cancel several scheduled visits throughout India after sustaining a wrist injury. She allegedly fractured her wrist after slipping in a bathtub at the palace where she was staying.
No doubt that bathtub was manufactured by a misogynistic Republican.
Hopefully, the joy of winning a record number of PITA awards will help ease the pain of her many falls this past year.
We hope you enjoyed The Fifth Annual Political Insider’s Turkey Awards.
Remember, even though all winners have to live with shame and embarrassment, they still get to go home with a completely fake silver turkey trophy. Something to tell the grandkids about one day.
Congratulations to all our winners! Here’s hoping these liberals will continue to work hard letting Americans know how completely incompetent they are – just by being themselves!