Biden Campaign Revives ‘Hidin’ Biden’ Strategy to Mitigate Age-related Issues

Joe Biden is your typical old guy. He shuffles when he walks, squints when he reads, speaks in a monotone low voice, is indiscriminately irritated by pesky questions, enjoys daytime naps, and prefers ice cream because soft food is just easier to digest after a certain age.

What makes him atypical is that he’s the leader of the free world, or at least sits in the seat that should wield said power. Not only that, he wants all of us to vote for him in 2024 to stay for another four years. 

Who can blame the octogenarian? After all, he gets 24/7 support and on-site medical staff – a dream come true for many elderly in this nation.

But when Uncle Joe takes hard tumbles on stage and mixes up names of leaders at public events, convincing the American people the aviator-wearing grandpa still has a pulse can be difficult.

Joe Biden had a great fall

In June, President Joe Biden tripped and fell over a sandbag while giving a speech at the Air Force Academy graduation. And he didn’t just trip a little; he fell hard – I know, I’ve seen the clip about a thousand times. 

It wasn’t a good look, although I’m sure it made for a memorable moment for the future flyboy leaders of our military-industrial machine. The Democratic Party and no doubt the White House collectively gasped and then groaned, knowing full well that the image of Uncle Joe biffing it hard on stage in front of the cadets would continue to play on day after day, week after week on all the major news networks.

An anonymous congressional Democrat said after the incident:

“The Democratic Party needs to be responsive to what people are saying about Biden and their concerns that they have with his age. The number of text messages that I got after the President fell…I mean, my phone was blowing up. People are like, “Oh, this is so bad.”

Indeed, it was so bad. Luckily the Biden campaign has a familiar strategy to fall back on – hide and spoon-feed the poor old man. 

The lengths to which the campaign will try to keep President Biden upright and gaffe free are extensive.

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Fall abatement & other tricks

Ever since the great fall, it has been reported that President Biden now uses the shorter stairway to get into Air Force One versus the iconic tall stairway that has been his nemesis since his tenure. Before his sandbag entanglement, the President used the shorter staircase about 37% of the time; since the fall, he has used it 84% of the time.

In addition to encouraging his use of the shorter stairs, his staff has ensured that extra large font is used on his teleprompters and that he uses note cards to keep his names and places straight. As someone with bifocal contacts, I have difficulty reading small print, so I feel your pain, Joe. 

They also convinced the old man to sport sneakers while boarding Air Force One after one of his many weekend getaways to the beach instead of wearing his usual dress shoes. I get it, arch support is hard to come by as you get older, and sometimes you need a good set of Skechers to keep you steady, Joe.

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In addition to attempting to leave him alone on the weekends, his staff has scheduled most of his public appearances between noon and 4 PM, leaving him ample time for his after-breakfast and pre-dinner naps. All joking aside, I’m confident that as a journalist, small business owner, mother of two, caregiver to two others, wife, and middle-aged woman, I have a more strenuous schedule than the President of the United States.

Where’s my nap time? Where are my note cards? 

Dinner at five sharp

The effects of age on our President have been witnessed far and wide. An anonymous Western diplomat said of Mr. Biden:

“He doesn’t have the stamina levels of an Obama or a younger president. People worry about his physical frailty and running from age 82 to 86. That is really old by European standards. Really, really old.”

It’s really, really old by any standards. Other than his terrific tumble last month, the President has also been skipping out on late dinners. 

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Earlier this month, he opted out of a dinner at the NATO summit in Lithuania. When pressed as to why his staff gave a few excuses ranging from:

• meeting prep
• major speech prep
• jet lag

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But my favorite comes from Deputy National Security Adviser Jonathan Finer, who said:

“The dinners at these events are about relationship building. He has done the work over a long period of time to build these relationships outside of the summit. So it’s less important for him to spend downtime with the other leaders than it is for people who are newer to the scene or have not invested in building these relationships.”

As someone who has always had an issue with pompous old people telling me how stupid I am just because of my age, I can tell you with certainty that when the old people aren’t around like Biden in this case, the young whippersnappers were bonding over how old and out of touch he is. Not a great posture for what used to be the biggest world power on the stage to be in.

Aging like milk

It’s hell getting old. My husband and I recently became a part of the “sandwich generation,” meaning we moved my elderly parents in with us while simultaneously raising two little ones.

Not only do I see the effects of aging in my husband and me, who are in our 40s (as I type, my back is starting to ache), but we get to see firsthand the effects of the twilight years on my folks. You can’t escape the harsh fickle witch of time – but the Biden administration thinks it can at least hide it from you.

It’s not just his frail body giving voters pause; it’s his mind. In the last few months, he has randomly left an interview before it was done and confused Ukraine with Iraq – three different times.

It’s reported that allegedly former President Obama said of Joe Biden’s original bid for the White House:

“Don’t underestimate Joe’s ability to f–k things up.”

When pressed about concerns over his age, Joe likes to tell reporters:

“Watch me.”

We are Joe, and you are f–king things up.