A Liberal’s and Conservative’s 2023 New Year’s Resolutions

My second favorite holiday after the Fourth of July is New Year’s Eve. Ever since I was a young adult, I have loved this holiday.

Granted, how I celebrate the holiday has changed over time; when I was younger and before I had my kids, I spent many of these exciting last nights of the year in exotic locations or at fabulous parties. Now that I am far too old for sequins and champagne, I spend the holiday at home with my family making too much noise and watching the festivities worldwide on television.

I love this holiday because it’s the promise of what is to come, an opportunity to reflect on the past year, and a chance to imagine what could be coming next! It’s filled with the possibility of adventure, love, and fortune – and of course, I partake in the tradition of deciding on the following year’s resolutions!

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Always Promises

Yes, I, like many others, make resolutions for the new year. I even write them down and keep track of my progress.

I don’t make resolutions like losing weight or being nicer or anything so blase as all that; I make more specific goals for each month based on pushing my personal and professional life forward in some capacity. 

This tradition goes way back to the ancient Babylonians some 4,000 years ago. They celebrated New Year in mid-March when crops were planted and would promise to pay all their debts in the new year. 

Not a terrible resolution, I suppose. The tradition extended into Ancient Rome when Julius Caesar changed the new year to January 1st in 46 B.C.

Ancient Romans would traditionally promise to be good in the new year, which was not something many famous Ancient Romans were known for. So this year, I got to thinking, what would a stereotypical liberal and stereotypical conservative have on their resolutions list?

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Granola, Avocado Toast, and Man Buns

What would a liberal have on their New Year’s resolution list? Let’s see, shall we?

• Meditate on how I can express my allyship to the Transgender Two-Spirit identified entities – perhaps update my LinkedIn profile with a banner pronouncing my continued effort to educate myself on the institutional barriers for Transgender Two-Spirit humans or take an overpriced Diversity Equity and Inclusion conference. Then I could post an introspective selfie of me at the event on Instagram after tweeting that I’m leaving Twitter.
• Compile a digital scrapbook of MSNBC and New York Times articles linking fascism and Nazis to Trump and DeSantis with photos of me attending pro-choice rallies – side resolution – find more words that rhyme with uterus and vagina for poster party
• Adjust my diet away from flatulent-producing toxins like broccoli and beans. I need to commit to doing more to combat climate change by reducing my own harmful methane gastrointestinal emissions

My Pillow, Kirk Cameron, and Chuck Norris

What would a conservative have on their new year’s resolution list? Let’s see, shall we?

• Buy more guns, lots more guns – with cash. Big Finance won’t be tracking me this hunting season, no Sir! I know my rights by gum. I should also start stockpiling for the fallout shelter – we got to be ready for when the Chinese and Russians launch their nuclear weapons at us. 
• Pick up a second job. Now that my retirement account has been gutted and my crudites are twice as much thanks to Bidenflation, I need to snag another job. Maybe Cabela’s is hiring. I bet they have a sweet employee discount.
• Stock up on American flag apparel and make sure the whole family is ready to flaunt that red, white and blue pride at the (insert either Trump or DeSantis) rallies. Buy one of them “Don’t Tread on Me” flags for the house. That’ll really set off my granola-smelling, avocado toast-eating, man-bun-wearing liberal neighbor while he throws his poster party in the driveway.

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Should Auld Acquaintance be Forgot?

Obviously, I made both of these lists in jest; we all could stand to relearn how to have fun and poke at one another and ourselves a little more. New Years is a time to celebrate a new beginning, which has more meaning now than before.

How many of us have stopped speaking to friends or family members because of their political beliefs? As I mentioned at the start, this is one of my favorite holidays, and while I enjoy champagne, I also love the New Year’s Eve Song.

Nobody really knows the words, but everyone sings the song, perhaps because they’ve had too much to drink, but I like to think that somewhere deep inside, it’s because of the song’s meaning. The song titled Auld Lang Syne is about two friends who had parted but meet up again.

The original chorus lyrics are beautiful:

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne,

We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet

For auld lang syne!

We will take a cup of kindness yet, for old long ago—what a fabulous way to describe sharing a drink between two estranged friends, a cup of kindness.

Perhaps a good New Year’s resolution for all of us is to reach out to an old friend or family member we distanced ourselves from and share a cup of kindness with them. After all, it’s a New Year, and it wasn’t that long ago we were connected by more than what divided us. 

Happy New Year, dear reader.