“Democracy Dies in Darkness.”
Plastered to the top of every online article is The Washington Post’s trite slogan, full of self-righteousness and a faux sense of importance. When Donald Trump took office, wrestling the reins of power from the Washington class, the city’s biggest newspaper changed its mission from reporting on the news to undermining his presidency. In doing so, they’ve sacrificed real journalism on the pedestal of partisanship.
Consider the following.
This morning, President Trump responded to former Vice President Joe Biden’s warning that he would “beat the hell out of” Donald were they to be in high school together. Trump upped the ante, calling Biden a weak crybaby.
The intrepid democracy protectors at The Washington Post instantly leapt into action, testing the hypothesis of whether or not Trump could whip Biden in school-yard fisticuffs.
Talked to a boxing coach and an MMA trainer about who’d win a Trump-Biden brawl. Both picked Biden. https://t.co/JySqIq9FOd
— Philip Bump (@pbump) March 22, 2018
Philip Bump, who must have been bumped too many times on the head as a schoolboy, actually reached out to two boxing experts for their opinion on whether or not a Queens-raised TV personality could take a Scranton-born lifetime politician. Here’s what he wrote:
But if we’re going to talk about Trump and Biden getting in a fight, to heck with it. Let’s talk about Trump and Biden getting in a fight. We reached out to a boxing instructor and an mixed-martial arts trainer to get their assessments of how a Biden-Trump bout would go and, more broadly, what makes someone better or worse at their respective disciplines.
No, how about not saying “to heck with it.” How about using your journalistic skills and platform for something other than exploring a perverted fantasy?
The prospect of envisioning Trump getting his hide handed to him was probably too much for Bump.
Both of the experts Bump consulted with agreed: Biden would win in a one-on-one boxing match with Trump. One of the boxing coaches consulted cited Biden’s experience playing football in high school as giving him an upper hand, explaining, “Football certainly translates more because the contact that someone has endured playing football — that leaves a mark mentally.”
It sounds like someone didn’t do their research on Trump’s athletic record. According to an account at Business Insider, Trump was a well-regarded athlete while in high school. “He was just the best, a good athlete, a great athlete. He could have probably played pro ball as a pitcher. I think he threw 80 miles an hour. I was the catcher. He made my hand black and blue every day … Could he play football? Could he play soccer? He could do anything he wanted. He was physically and mentally gifted,” recounted Ted Levine, a former classmate.
Let’s also not forget that President Trump actually has experience fighting in the ring…of WWE!
— Jeff Barry (@Hauntedyards) March 22, 2018
Here’s Trump slapping the snot out of WWE founder Vince McMahon:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0SM09X4w8E
Something tells me if Joe Biden took a hit like that, he’d go flying through a wall.
Of course, WWE isn’t real. But neither is an actual physical altercation between Trump and Biden. That didn’t stop Bump from filling up his newspaper’s digital pages with a Biden boxing fan fiction, however.
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Democracy dies in darkness, indeed. I have to imagine Bump’s head is pretty empty, leaving plenty of room for darkness.
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