Meet Alice Phallus, The Face Of Antifa: Life Skills Coach By Day, Anarchist By Night

As we’ve watched the riots unfold across the streets of America for months now, few of us have seen an Antifa member up close. Sure, we’ve seen them on television. But that seldom gives us a vivid sense of who they are: The person inside.

Meet Alice Phallus

Well, lucky readers, today we bring you that very personal focus. Combing through the various news items we get on a daily basis, one Portland report stuck out. One that was so accurate, so picturesque, so indicative of the full membership of Antifa, that we just had to bring it to you. So, we present to you Antifa poster girl and budding debutante of socialist femininity Alice Elizabeth Johnson (pictured above), otherwise known as “Alice Phallus.”

PJ Media picks it up from here: “Police say they arrested 14. Among them was Alice Elizabeth Johnson…charged with interfering with a Portland police officer. She was let off on her own recognizance and was required to post $0.00 bail… At night, Alice appears to be an Antifa warrior for the far Left. She leaves the comfort of home to take on imaginary fascists and racists. Fascists and racists are defined as people who don’t agree with her. For example, you’re a ‘fascist’ and a “racist’ if you support police officers.”

Per Andy Ngo’s tweet, of course she was “quickly released without bail.” Who’d want that thing hanging around? It could bite you and then you’re looking at rabies shots.

Yes, a warrior for the far Left. And no bloody wonder. Have you ever noticed that leftist women barely qualify under a definition of female? I’m not talking about the 257 different deviant flavors of the month some now define as “gender.” Nope. I’m talking about actual self-defined leftist girls like Alice. Let’s see, we have Melania Trump and Pam Bondi. They have Hillary and Alice Phallus. Seems like a fair representation to me.

PJ Media: “She looks fierce with her shaved head and mean spirit. During the day Alice Johnson is a counselor, a ‘life skills coach’ for New Avenues for Youth, one of the drop-in centers for drug addicts, the homeless, and all manner of disaffected youth in downtown Portland.”

Can You Imagine The Life Skills She Teaches?

Can you imagine the life skills Alice teaches? Molotov cocktail construction for the indigent? The latest in fashionable hair styles for the virtually bald and scary? Silent meditation for violent rioters?

“Alice also has another side-hustle. When she’s not rioting and acting as a life coach for street youth, she also doubles as a ‘devil’ under her stage name ‘Alice Phallus’ at the popular downtown club ‘Dante’s Inferno,’ a live music club which features a ‘F*ck Off Facists’ sign on the side of the building,” according to PJ Media.

That must be a charming show. No doubt the multistage delousing process which audience members are required to go through after the performance is merely a precaution.

Alice will further grow into a fine young leftist cannibal and will assuredly soon be playing her tunes for a captive audience. Literally, county jails are like that. Or state lunatic asylums. Whichever, for Alice, comes first.

This piece was written by David Kamioner on August 26, 2020. It originally appeared in LifeZette and is used by permission.

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