After a brief hiatus, the whispers and rumors you may have been hearing are true.
Hold on to your giblets folks, it’s time once again to celebrate the true meaning of Thanksgiving in America.
It’s not the turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, or apple pie. Nay, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for – our sixth annual (The) Political Insider Turkey Awards, or PITAs for short.
The PITAs took a little time off but we are extremely happy to announce that we are back baby. We did it, Joe!
Programming note for the winners: Due to supply chain issues, high shipping costs due to gas prices, and COVID restrictions, this year’s award will be an electronic $5 off coupon code to Aldi which you are welcome to use to buy an actual turkey.
Sorry, but our budget is a little tight in the age of Bidenflation.
That shouldn’t take away from the prestigiousness of this award ceremony. Other prestigious award shows strive to attain our prestigious level of prestige.
So without further adieu, here are the winners of the 2021 PITA awards …
What makes this year’s awards unique is that every single winner is taking home their first-ever prize. No repeat winners here.
And in that spirit of diversity, we are proud to announce the first PITA award winner is the nation’s top ‘woke’ military leader – General Mark Milley.
Milley, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, was so concerned about “white rage” in Trump supporters at the Capitol riot, that he seemingly took his eye off the ball in Afghanistan over the summer.
The Afghanistan withdrawal led to a suicide bombing killing 13 service members, a retaliatory drone strike by the United States that killed 10 civilians – including an aid worker and 7 children – and countless Americans being left behind in the Taliban-controlled country.
The woke General Milley, obviously driven by his own white rage, privately blamed the State Department for being responsible.
This past September, it was also revealed that Milley grew so concerned about President Donald Trump’s mental state that he secretly called China to tell them he’d give them a heads up if America was planning to attack.
“If we’re going to attack, I’m going to call you ahead of time,” Milley purportedly told General Li Zuocheng of the People’s Liberation Army of China.
Fox News host Tucker Carlson accused Milley of being “not just a pig, he’s stupid.”
Today, he’s a turkey. Or at least a Turkey Award winner.
Attorney General Merrick Garland joins Milley as a first-time recipient of the prestigious PITA.
Garland earns his stripes based on a strong late-season surge which sees him face calls for resignation and being hauled before Congress for weaponizing the FBI – even using “counterterrorism tools” and “tag threats” to track parents critical of their local school boards – and lying about it.
The Department of Justice (DOJ) was also caught coordinating with the National School Boards Association (NSBA) to create a controversial letter comparing concerned parents to domestic terrorists.
Garland has weaponized the DOJ in their efforts to indict and arrest former Trump aide Steve Bannon, actively worked to allow illegal immigrants to be released into the country regardless of COVID testing status, and launched multiple investigations into police departments to investigate for “systemic issues.”
That’s quite the resumé.
We think Senator Tom Cotton said it best when he told Garland, “Thank God, you’re not on the Supreme Court.”
We asked Cotton if he’d present Garland with the award but have yet to hear back.
President Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris have done their best to create distance between each other in the wake of toxic polling numbers, but they are grouped together here as co-winners of their first PITA.
There are so many disasters that these two are responsible for that it’s difficult to know where to begin.
The two have been behind the wheel of a country being driven off a cliff – whether it’s the economy, the border crisis, the Afghanistan debacle, inflation, supply chain problems, gas prices, and on and on.
Biden burnished the fact that he is more concerned about illegal immigrants than he is of Americans following his recent defense of potential payments to those separated while illegally crossing the border.
Harris, meanwhile, has been wandering around aimlessly like a turkey with its head cut off, traveling to the wrong border, making movies with child actors, and being temporarily possessed by a fake French accent.
The two were spotted an immense amount of goodwill by the media and the American people at the beginning of their term, but have seen steadily declining approval ratings due to their incompetence.
A September poll showed a clear majority of voters believe Biden should have resigned over his disastrous handling of the Afghanistan withdrawal. That same poll saw voters express their belief that Harris is not qualified to be President.
Another poll in October saw a clear majority of voters saying the administration is simply not competent.
The two also tried to lend support to Terry McAuliffe’s gubernatorial campaign earlier this month, which the voters of Virginia strongly rejected.
Shortly after that, Biden’s approval rating plunged to 38% while Harris dropped even further to 28%.
In yet another co-winner PITA, the inseparable pairing of Representatives Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger earn their first recognition.
The ambiguously stray duo have spent much of the year leaving their conservative values and their constituents behind, instead serving as useful idiots for the Democrat Party.
Cheney and Kinzinger purport to be Republicans but have been overwhelmingly driven not by their efforts to pass or promote GOP policies and platforms, but rather, to convince liberals and the media that they really, really hate former President Trump.
To the point of tears in the case of Kinzinger.
When they’re not perpetually crying about Donald Trump, Cheney is telling people the riot at the Capitol was “a domestic threat that we have never faced before,” and Kinzinger is suggesting he was so scared on January 6th that he thought about shooting Trump supporters.
Hopefully, this PITA award will turn their little frowns upside down, turning their tears for fears of insurrection into tears of joy.
We hope you enjoyed The Sixth Annual Political Insider’s Turkey Awards.
Remember, even though all winners have to live with shame and embarrassment, they still get to go home with a $5 off coupon code to Aldi. Something to tell the grandkids about one day.
Congratulations to all our winners! Here’s hoping they continue to work hard letting Americans know how completely incompetent they are – just by being themselves!
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