The Grinch is temporarily taking over this column in an attempt to ruin Christmas… by planting some seriously horrifying tunes in your head.
There are certain Christmas songs we hear every season, many we sing along to, some that even bring back wonderful memories of holidays past.
Out there lurking in the shadows however, are some truly terrifying Christmas songs that you probably never even knew existed.
With that, we present our own musical version of a nightmare before Christmas. Enjoy…
David Hasselhoff – Jingle Bells
Honestly, all lists regardless of format should always start with a David Hasselhoff entry. It is everything.
That said, we’re not quite sure if this is the worst thing that ever happened to Christmas, or the best thing.
It’s disappointing that his talking car KITT didn’t make an appearance.
Two words, and only two words. The. Hoff.
Justin Bieber and Busta Rhymes – Drummer Boy
The Biebs makes his first of two appearances on this list, absolutely murdering the Christmas classic, “Little Drummer Boy.” When the song isn’t alternating from effeminate vocals to tough-boy rap lyrics, it’s nailing foolz with these epic drops:
Now let me get straight to it, yo
At the table with the family, havin’ dinner
Blackberry on our hip and then it gave a little flicker
Then I took a look to see before it activates the ringer
Came to realize my homie Bieber hit me on the Twitter
I hit him back despite I had some food up on my fingers
Sippin’ eggnog, with a little sprinkle of vanilla
Even though it’s kind of cold, I’m pullin’ out a chinchilla
Word.
Mariah Carey and Justin Bieber – All I Want For Christmas Is You
Carey and Bieber teamed up to ruin her holiday hit, “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” The video (seen below) was put out in 2011, when Carey was 41 and Bieber was 17.
It features an endless reel of shots showing Carey from behind wearing a short skirt and high heels, and leaning up against a wall.
Apparently the wall was in danger of falling over. Repeatedly.
Destiny’s Child – 8 Days of Christmas
Destiny’s Child managed to keep tradition alive with their title track to the album, “8 Days of Christmas.” That tradition being, they need to say the band’s name in every song they perform.
Rolling Stone joked of the song – since Beyonce sings about her true love giving her a CLK Mercedes on the second day, it’s “no wonder DC shortened their holiday season by four days – their beaus would’ve been flat broke by the twelfth day.”
Rolling Stone also called the tune “insipid.” Which is Destiny’s Child in a nutshell.
You be the judge.
Cyndi Lauper – Christmas Conga
One of the least explored concepts of Christmas is the natural pairing of the holiday and … a conga line? Cyndi Lauper takes care of that missing element for us with this little ditty.
Hey, she just wanted to have fun.
Did we miss any? What other songs can you think of that were just flat-out terrible?
If you know anyone who really needs to be annoyed by these Christmas songs, send this to them right away.
